I won't lie...I am questioning my religion. I need to. I plan to start reading up on the history of religions, rise and fall, spreading, conversion, comparisons with other religions...etc. I think I am like a tribal person somewhere in early 20th century Africa, whose religion is taught to him, but seems absurd to outsiders who later come to convert them to, usually, Christianity. What is Christianity is absurd? It would be a blessing if I never questioned or felt the need to question, and if nobody who challenged me on my religion was able to convince me to examine it. But Christianity claims that Jesus is the only way to God, and that he was God too. That means that Muslims are wrong. That means Buddhists are wrong et cetera. And Muslims, I think, believe that non-Muslims are infidels.

I think alot of Christians are extremely ignorant. I'm not saying that I'm smart, but I have met a lot of Christians who say ridiculous things. One lady's husband was in hospital and when she found out his doctor was Muslim, she panicked. She saw a little bit of negligence in his work and confronted him. It was settled. But in her relating this story to her audience, of which I was one, she later half-jokingly said "I think they [Muslims] are trying to kill every one of us [Christians]." Actually she wasn't half-joking. I'm sure, from what I saw, she meant it. But the situation quickly turned into drama and laughter - laughter to poison and make things ridiculous - such that the comment is preferably thought to be a joke, or a half-joke.

There are people who attribute so many things to God. Thank God. Oh, that's good, praise God. Ah, you see that's God's work. No, we cannot understand God's ways, he has a plan.

I never really bought into this when I was not the one saying it. Everything can be explained by God's mysterious ways simply because they are mysterious. Right now, the reference of "God" is the Christian God. Yes, which brings the point. Some say all gods are the same. Like different roads leading to the same point. The Christians through Jesus and Christian faith. The Muslims through I believe Mohammud (I never actually researched, so for all I know it could be not through Mohammud). The problem is that Christian faith demands that all other ways are wrong. Perhaps they all lead to the same God in that once, people agreed correctly on God, and then over time, one group thought that believing that person A did so and so is a must to God, another thought that a crucial element to God accepting that you accept him as God is that you believe that this particular person B who did so and so died for your wrongs. And you cannot adhere to both sides.

But then, another question. What exactly is Christian belief? What is the important thing? Is it important that I believe that every time I participate in the holy communion, the liquid that I physically drink actually cleanses me of my sins. Is it important that I reject that belief? Or does it not matter? Is it neccessary to believe that God exists in a Trinity? Would it be wrong and damning in the sight of God if I thought that maybe he could be more than a trinity. Maybe he could be 10-nity except he didn't reveal the rest, or maybe he could be anything, trinity now, but actually one, but actually 800 is fine, all at the same time, maybe not at the same time. A problem is that God is God which in my definition, is just simply hard to define. Basically, if I say God is just, does he always have to be just? Is he a subset of justice? Could he not be just? He is God after all. But let's not get distracted into that yet. What is important in Chrisitian belief?

See, there is a comparison between the Eygptian entity Horus and with Jesus of the Christian faith. Certain comparisons, which some say is unfounded but that would be another distraction for now, go that both were born of a virgin. The names might even be shown to be similar. Both were baptized by someone who was later beheaded. Both walked on water. Both had 12 disciples. Both died and rose again 3 days later. Now now now...lots of issues to deal with. But firstly, I would say most people will simply reject the Horus story. I don't know about people in Eygpt now. But the thing is that the Horus story isn't a major religion for sure. In fact, I think it is mostly regarded as a story in astrology, basically a story derived from looking at the stars, where the 3 wise men were the 3 stars of Orion and Horus the East star or something. And 12 because of the zodiac. But Christianity is a major religion. I will not go into whether Jesus is an "imitation of Horus" because I don't have research material. But the question I have to ask is, which events are important to the Christian belief? Does it matter if I don't believe that Jesus was born of a virgin? and if someone says "how can God be born of human sexual affairs" as if it is corrupt, I might say "it's not corrupt except you think it so, just as it is possible that it is corrupt that God was conceived through a human being even though a virgin". Is it important I believe in the virgin birth? Does it matter if I don't care, just as I don't care if Jesus was right handed or left handed. Does it matter if I don't believe the virgin birth. Okay, so it's in the bible right? But I subscribe to the belief that the bible was written or at least edited, maybe compiled selectively (since apocrypha is not in the bible) or something like that. Basically, I don't believe that the bible had a first incarnation, be it in Latin or Chinese, that was divinely sent from heaven in one piece, and that that incarnation of the bible is what I'm getting in stores now, albeit translated. The books of the bible were written by people. Maybe not the people it is named after. Maybe it is a bunch of records. That's what I think it is. Maybe some of the writings were divinely inspired, I don't know. Does Christian faith require me to believe so?

Is it alright for Christian faith if I don't believe that Jonah was in a whale's or fish's belly? Or if I believe only some portions of it, like maybe I think he was on a whale for 3 days and not in the whale? Or if I believe but with doubt that I never bother to resolve, like me believing that people of ancient China knew martial arts that let them jump really high and stand on thin branches of trees like in "Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon", but somewhat I doubt it, but can't be bother to research it?
What about if it's not about Jonah, but about whether the 10 commandments as we know it, as 10 bulletpoints so to speak were inscribed on rocks? Or what if the issue is about whether Moses split the sea?
Are those neccessary to believe, since they are in the bible? Let's say there was this man who believed in God and was under attack by cannibals. And i'm making this up, but say he prayed to God and received strength such that he fought the cannibals with his bare body, bare hands and feet, unable to be hurt by the weapons such as spears not because he evaded them but because he was somewhat invulnerable. And say he defeated them. If such a story existed, it is not in the bible and I don't need to believe it. In fact, I probably shouldn't believe it within the context of Christianity. I shouldn't think that such a man existed who prayed to the same God as I do who did all that in around 1000BC. But because Samson is in the bible, must I believe? Is it needed? David and Goliath?

Let's move on to stuff regarding Jesus. As said before, must I believe the virgin birth? Ok, must I believe he was baptized? Must I believe he walked on water? Must I believe he healed the sick and raised the dead? Must I believe his father's occupation? Must I believe he had 12 disciples? Must I believe he had the last supper and must I believe that we should keep up this ceremony because we should "do this is rememberance of me" ? Must I believe he died on the cross? Must I believe that his death cleansed me of my sins? Must I believe he rose again from the dead? Must I believe he was God? Must I believe in the Trinity and not in 3 separate gods or any other thing? Must I believe in Jesus's existence?

Which stuff are required?

I recently read someone saying that Herod died in 4BC. He criticized Christians for changing the dates of the birth of Christ to "make it fit". What this means to me is that a lot of things are unreliable. The date...is it neccessary to believe the dates to be of Christian faith? And when I mean of Christian faith, basically I mean that when I die I will, assuming Christianity true, be in Heaven and not Hell. Changing the dates, if really happened, could mean Christians had the dates wrong and adjusted, sounds good for them. But it doesn't refute Christianity. To me, that embarrasses me. But I'm looking...honestly speaking, the salvation of my soul. And it doesn't matter if the dates were messed up. Or if every thing about Christianity such as the story of Ruth is refuted, or if Paul was actually a group of people and not one person (I'm making this up)...etc. I want to know what is really neccessary, and I want to believe it. I want to. I don't want to be condemned to Hell.


"Do you believe that Jesus is the way, the truth and the light, that there is no other way to the Father except through Him, that He died for your sins and rose again on the third day?"

"Yes"

I think it's something like that right? So, does that correctly (in God's eyes) list the fundamental requirements to God and to Heaven? Belief in the existence of Jesus seems like one of them. Which parts of Jesus must I believe? Can I believe he existed, but don't believe that he changed water into wine, while believing the next few parts, that is he is the way truth light...etc?
Oh i forgot, there's usually the phrase "personal saviour". Of course, it seems like these words are chosen by people.

I'm guessing the main thing I need to believe in is that sin separated us from God, and Jesus died for my sins and opened the way. I acknowledge that, and I'm back with God again.

But that raises questions like "what about people who never heard of Jesus, but it's not that they rejected him?" With this, it seems like we are fitting God into the confines of our concept of justice if we should think that those people will go to Hell (let's not argue if Hell exists). If they can still be saved, then what happens to Jesus being the only way to salvation? Perhaps it is more complicated than that. But to say it is more complicated, to be fair, seems like human rationalizing, like trying to avoid the troublesome issue that God might want to let those people suffer for not happening to know Jesus. Again, the fact that God might not be just by our standards does not refute that this God does exist. Really, it does nothing.
Maybe another question along the same lines could be "what about the person who died while Jesus was on Earth, but was in China and didn't know about Jesus?"
Or "what about the person who passed Jesus on the street but didn't know he was God?"
Or "what about the person who was sitting in his town, heard about Jesus, some stories about him raising the dead and changing water into wine, and this person was fascinated, and he continued working his farm near the town, later died without accepting Jesus as Saviour because he didn't know he should"
You can imagine more scenarios for yourself.
Or, I think quite popularly, "what about the people who died before Jesus came?" They didn't have Jesus to believe in.

so on and so forth.


Maybe the answer lies in the personal relationship with God, to convince me that God exists. Well, there are a few things I want to be convinced of actually (that doesn't mean I don't believe it now, it just means I want to be convinced, like a girl who wants to be told she's loved). There's the issue of whether God exists. And there's the issue of whether the Christian faith (whatever is neccessary including beliefs in and rejections of certain things) is true.

Okay, a personal relationship...a personal experience is, as of yet, the most convincing thing I have to lead me to believe in Christianity. To be more precise, to believe in God, and since I pray to Him as Jesus and with the idea that He is the God in Christian scriptuers, I also am believing in the Christian faith. But I've never prayed to God as another god. I've never prayed to any other god or if they are the same god, then I've never prayed to him as though he were another god. Also, maybe the feelings of relationship with God is no more than chemicals. But then again, love, hate, maybe hunger or sleepiness may be just chemical reactions but that doesn't mean anything. It doesn't mean that if the feeling of a relationship with God can be observed and explained through brain scans, that the relationship doesn't exist. Faith, yes...I guess it will come to a point where you have to decide if you believe or not. "That's why it's called faith" right? Yes, but how should I handle this? Should I research on the science explanations and then decide on faith (I don't know how much science at the moment or future will support or scorn a decision on believing in the relationship with God, on a decision on "faith" but judging from the fact that the word used is "faith", i'm thinking science most likely will work against it. Isn't that interesting?) and then decide on faith? When I mean "should I?", I really mean, will this end up bringing me away from the salvation of my soul (if there is) and end up bringing me more likely to eternal damnation? "Should I?" also means "is it pleasing to God (assuming His existence)?". After all, it wouldn't be flattering at all if a son goes through a bunch of DNA tests just to convince himself (or futher convince himself) that his dad really is his father. But should the son do it? And then we know DNA tests aren't 100% accurate (in fact I think they are not accurate at all, well, not to 80% even i think, maybe even 50%) so similarly, science could be wrong on the issue of God in this analogy)


Okay, getting tired. What did I leave out? Probably a lot. Discussions have this nasty power of growing super huge to require research in too many things.