some good times. enjoyable times. and then back to daily life. don't want to re-merge back into this stream. this stream that i just let myself float on, drifting drifting to nowhere. nothing new. no movement outside my comfort. afraid. still the same thing as last week, last month. last year. meaningless life. at a young age, the focus was all on me. parents attention. praises. you were a kid after all. now, you see everyone has the same experiences. everyone is the main star. of a show. whose show. is anyone watching your show? lost in the crowd. become one of many. identity? stop searching. no point, too narcissistic. does not feel good. thousands of people have graduated from Harvard. from MIT. from wherever. 23. going to 24. some want a photo of themselves. Facebook it. look at it. hobbies? for what? to spend your time. to kill your time. to kill yourself. you only have so much time after all. haven't accomplished anything today? why accomplish something. what difference does it make to others. are you a star. are you rich. money talks. love is just a feeling. feelings of freefall on a roller coaster. feelings of excitment. do i just come down to science? why should i care about you. religion. sin. morality. what are they. social constructs. just. just...what. las vegas is awesome.