Say an atheist dies and while at a pub in heaven waiting for his ship to hell, he bumps into god.
Atheist: Dude, i'm so high now. You know, I thought you didn't really exist!
God: WTF? You read the bible didn't you? And I got all those apologists arguing for me? Where you been bro?
Atheist: Yeah. No enough evidence man. And I heard this one...the cosmological argument...it just wasn't fair making you the only unmoved mover. I know I know...by definition you are this and that...but it was just too cheap man.
God: Oh, heh , i'm not really an unmoved mover ya know? See, I was created from this little tree which I now keep in my backyard. That cosmological argument, screw that. You just gotta have faith yo? You know what i'm talking about, yeah?
Atheist: Wh-wait...what? Holy, you are telling me that one major philosophical argument for your existence is wrong? Now that's just bad taste...
God: Well, it's a pretty decent argument. But c'mon bro, I never said I was the first cause, don't go putting words in my mouth. And don't ya go quote-mining from the bible, ha!
[God to Bartender: "One more round please!"]
Atheist: Son of a...! Hmm, so then, are you some kind of, you know, omnipotent and omnipresent being?
God: That I am, yes sir! ha ha...i'm also blue in color as you see. Wonder why no apologetic of mine figured that out. But unmoved mover...me? Gawd...
Atheist: So wait a sec. The arguments for your existence can be wrong and yet you still exist?
[Hot little angel waitress comes with 2 beers]
God: You can't really prove I don't exist, can you? You couldn't even conclusively prove that tooth fairies don't exist! Cheers!
*Beer glasses clink*
Atheist: We never really bothered with that actually. But you're right. You're such an ass. You're freakin' unfalsifiable!
God: Ha! I know it's not really fair to make you use reason to figure me out. The arguments really...they have to assume things. Something they get it right like me being a Trinity, sometimes they don't, as you just saw for yourself. I mean, that pope, he had the crazies. He counted some old genealogy and figured the world was 6000 years old! Oh my lord...
Atheist: Oh yeah dude, those were radical times baby...
God: I mean, come on! You think I spent all that time guiding evolution, only to see some fellas say the fossils came from a massive flood? Why'd I even give you brains! You think I set the world starting with light from imaginary stars already headed to you, and you think I set the atoms already halfway through their half-lives? I'd got better things to do....
Atheist: Well, it's a good thing not all your followers believed that, just those old young earth creationists.
God: Thank Jesus! Well, as for you my friend, you should have just had some faith in me man.
[God lights a pipe]
Atheist: Oh don't get me started. Your bible was incoherent. Your fellas were trying to prevent evolution from being taught. Don't forget you even killed some dude for masturbating! And now you're telling me some of your best apologists got it all wrong?
God: Not all, just some. No big deal. You can't judge a book from its cover you know?
Atheist: So, just faith then? Even then, Christians don't fully agree on your nature. Speaking in tongues or not...whether Mary is divine...you know how those protestants broke off from the real church...who was I suppose to follow and have faith in?
God: Oh, so now it's my fault huh? You know what, all night you're just pinning the blame on me. You shoulda prayed or something. How'd you know I wouldn't give you some kind of vision? I do that you know? Sometimes I tell them to swim to Myanmar and talk to a political prisoner under house arrest. Sometimes I show them seven-headed dragons. But noooo, you just did your criticism from your little science-y mind of yours didn't ya?
Atheist: Still, you know...come on!
[Silence]
Atheist: Say, you think if the guys still on earth found out the cosmological argument wasn't really an argument for your existence, they'd lose a little bit of faith in you?
God: Hmm, possibly. But, they shouldn't.
Atheist: Right, because it isn't even-
God: That's right, it ain't even true.
Atheist: And until then, they'd use it to argue for your existence.
God: Means to an end, my friend. Means to an end.
Atheist: Anyway, where's that ship to hell? It's taking awfully long. I'm gonna whoop that devil's ass for all his bullshit. Bottoms up?
*Clink of glasses followed by noisy gulping of the remaining beer*
God: Ahh...what were you saying? Oh...hell? what hell? Hell no! Ha ha...you're not going to hell. It doesn't even exist! What you talking about? You high bro!
*Atheist spits beer over the table*
Atheist: Fuc-...no hell? Then what's that sign outside? Says "Ship to hell for unbelievers, bon voyage!"
God: Oh no no no. That's just a little joke between me and the Holy Spirit. Ha! I see it got you! I mean, seriously, I never said hell was real. If I ever did mention anything close to it, it was just metaphorical. Plus those damn scribes must have been messing up my words.
Atheist: Your preachers...they said...
God: Yeah what do they know? Come on, I'm god!
Atheist: Woa...sweet! So where am I going now? Am I gonna live in heaven forever and sing praise to your holy name?
God:
Atheist: Hey, well, thanks for mercy man!
God: Hey hey, mercy's my middle name, ya know what i mean? Well, drinks on you, I'll get next time. Gonna hit the dance floor, *OWW* ! Later bro!
Atheist: Alright dude, later!
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